Tuesday, 7 November 2017

sajak MELAYU



MELAYU
Melayu itu orang yang bijaksana
Nakalnya bersulam jenaka
Budi bahasanya tidak terkira
Kurang ajarnya tetap santun
Jika menipu pun masih bersopan
Bila mengampu bijak beralas tangan.
Melayu itu berani jika bersalah
Kecut takut kerana benar,
Janji simpan di perut
Selalu pecah di mulut,
Biar mati adat
Jangan mati anak
Melayu di tanah Semenanjung luas maknanya:
Jawa itu Melayu,
Bugis itu Melayu,
Banjar juga disebut Melayu,
Minangkabau memang Melayu,
Keturunan Acheh adalah Melayu,
Jakun dan Sakai asli Melayu,
Arab dan Pakistani, semua Melayu,
Mamak dan Malbari serap ke Melayu,
Malah muallaf bertakrif Melayu
(Setelah disunat anunya itu)
Dalam sejarahnya
Melayu itu pengembara lautan
Melorongkan jalur sejarah zaman
Begitu luas daerah sempadan
Sayangnya kini segala kehilangan

Melayu itu kaya falsafahnya
Kias kata bidal pusaka
Akar budi bersulamkan daya
Gedung akal laut bicara
Malangnya Melayu itu kuat bersorak
Terlalu ghairah pesta temasya
Sedangkan kampung telah tergadai
Sawah sejalur tinggal sejengkal
Tanah sebidang mudah terjual
Meski telah memiliki telaga
Tangan masih memegang tali
Sedang orang mencapai timba
Berbuahlah pisang tiga kali
Melayu itu masih bermimpi
Walaupun sudah mengenal universiti
Masih berdagang di rumah sendiri
Berkelahi cara Melayu
Menikam dengan pantun
Menyanggah dengan senyum
Marahnya dengan diam
Merendah bukan menyembah
Meninggi bukan melonjak
Watak Melayu menolak permusuhan
Setia dan sabar tiada sempadan
Tapi jika marah tak nampak telinga
Musuh di cari ke lubang cacing
Tak dapat tanduk telinga dijinjing
Maruah dan agama dihina jangan
Hebat amuknya tak kenal lawan
Berdamai cara Melayu indah sekali
Silaturahim hati yang murni
Maaf diungkap sentiasa bersahut
Tangan dihulur sentiasa disambut
Luka pun tidak lagi berparut
Baiknya hati Melayu itu tak terbandingkan
Selagi yang ada sanggup diberikan
Sehingga tercipta sebuah kiasan:
Dagang lalu nasi ditanakkan
Suami pulang lapar tak makan
Kera di hutan disusu-susukan
Anak di pangkuan mati kebuluran
Bagaimanakah Melayu abad kedua puluh satu
Masihkah tunduk tersipu-sipu?
Jangan takut melanggar pantang
Jika pantang menghalang kemajuan;
Jangan segan menentang larangan
Jika yakin kepada kebenaran;
Jangan malu mengucapkan keyakinan
Jika percaya kepada keadilan
Jadilah bangsa yang bijaksana
Memegang tali memegang timba
Memiliki ekonomi mencipta budaya
Menjadi tuan di negara merdeka.

- Usman Awang

Nyanyian Serambi Ramli Sarip

Nyanyian Serambi

Penulis lirik: -    Komposer: -

keluar pagi balik petang
adakala sampai malam
cari rezeki bawa pulang
buat orang yang tersayang
oh bersabarlah

wajahmu di mana-mana
senyum kasih mesra kasih
cinta murni kan bersemi
bersama ketulusan budi
oh bersemilah

lama ku cari rahsia kasih
rindu kasih untuk berkasih
senang-senang duduk diserambi
senandung lagu puisi
zikir zaman nyanyian zaman

andai kasturi hilang harum
mawar tak berkuntum
cinta tak bersambung

biar emas setinggi gunung
kan ku peluk rimbun ampun
rahmat yang Maha Agung

keluar pagi balik petang
adakala sampai malam
cari rezeki bawa pulang
buat orang yang tersayang
oh bersabarlah

wajahmu di mana-mana
senyum kasih mesra kasih
cinta murni kan bersemi
bersama ketulusan budi
oh bersemilah

lama ku cari rahsia kasih
rindu kasih untuk berkasih
senang-senang duduk diserambi
senandung lagu puisi
zikir zaman nyanyian zaman

andai kasturi hilang harum
mawar tak berkuntum
cinta tak bersambung

biar emas setinggi gunung
kan ku peluk rimbun ampun
rahmat yang Maha Agung

Wednesday, 1 November 2017

Bila Anu tak Naik / When it doesn’t get up

28 October 2017, by Somesh Valentino Curti

Image result for ed for man

A funny title for an article about a not so funny experience for many men who have difficulties with keeping their erection during sex. I am a man myself and a Sex counselor in Amsterdam and I know how much this topic is sensitive and can cause painful feelings.

Not getting it up is still a sort of taboo between men. It is packed with shame, guilt and a sense of failure and usually we don’t like to talk about it at all. But it is a very common experience, more than we might expect. So, why not expose it? Why not to take this topic out of the cage of shame, guilt and sense of failure and make it lighter, approachable and therefore conquerable?

Men of the world, Unite!
The first thing is to start to talk about it between men. The taboo is in fact much more dangerous than the problem itself. Therefore I say… Men of the world, Unite!… Find the courage to talk about it with a friend or friends that you trust and you will see that you are not alone in this. It is so common! Let’s take down the wall of fear of judgement and rejection and be light and open about it.

Let’s learn from women
Let’s look at how our girlfriends, wives, mothers and sisters relate with each other. They talk much more freely then us men about personal issues (even too much, as we know!). They are generally not ashamed to share about sexual topics and find comfort, understanding and support. Let’s learn from them and deepen male friendships. Let’s value our friends and have the courage to allow each other to be ourselves not only when we feel good, smart and invincible but when we feel low and not good enough as well.

Real man and media man
The common image of how a man is supposed to perform during the sexual ritual in our modern societies, is the one of the macho; a rough and supercool man, mainly created by media (advertising) and porn movies. Let’s disengage from the comparison with porn-actors with a big, large penis which can stay stiff for hours making the women crazy. It is a fake, exaggerated image and creates many taboos and negative feelings. Let’s throw it out of our minds immediately!

Erection is not a performance
The first important thing to know about an erection is that we can get one when we are attracted to someone and relaxed about ourselves. If we are only attracted but not relaxed, it doesn’t happen. Having an erection is often conceived in a man’s mind as a performance, as something we have to do. Well, it is not true, an erection belongs to the category of activities like falling asleep, crying, laughing etc. We don’t do it, it happens all by itself. So, the first thing to take out of our minds is the idea that we are a failure if we don’t have an erection, because it is like feeling guilty if we cannot fall asleep.

How women see the lack of erection and sex without erection
If you have a partner, don’t hesitate to share about how this situation makes you feel. Feelings need to be expressed and not repressed. The majority of women don’t give so much importance to the erection. They have a completely different approach to sexuality than us men. They are much more looking for a feeling of connection and trust. Plus, all their body is erogenous, while we as men have our minds fixed on our penises as if sexuality is only about penetration and coming. Get out of that frame, and explore sexuality also without having an erection. A new world  of sensations, feelings and pleasures will be revealed to you.

When women reject you
In case a woman rejects and judges you, it means that she is not a good partner for you. Many women get their sense of value from being wanted sexually by a man. They use sex to get attention and self-value. If you cannot have an erection, it might trigger a sense of failure or a lack of self-esteem in them and, if they are not aware of that, they might reject you. Forget about it and keep looking for partners who are open to you as you are. Isn’t that what we all really want in the end? Just being accepted as we are and not as we are expected to be?

How to approach sex if you have repetitive erectile dysfunction
This is about being true to yourself. When you usually can’t get it up the first thing to do is to breathe and to give time to yourself to feel if you want to/can have sex or not. In fact, it is very important to understand your feelings in the moment and to take a step in the right direction that you feel comfortable with.

If the level of insecurity is too high, I would suggest you not to push yourself but to take a break and share what you feel with your partner. On the other hand, avoiding sex is also not a solution, and a bit of courage in approaching it, is required. You could go ahead without an erection and see if it gets up during foreplay. But keep in mind that it is possible to have a beautiful sexual experience even without erection and penetration.

Follow what you feel in the moment, but always take risks that you can afford and, with time, you will gain more confidence and trust in yourself. See it as a process of rehabilitation: A progressive training of your wounded self-esteem.

How to deal with the memory of the past episodes
Don’t let the memory of what happened before (even if it happened many times) to predict the outcome of your meeting. Each woman is unique, each moment is unique, you are unique in each moment. Approaching it afresh all the time will make it special. And be honest, if you feel too insecure, it means that there is too much pressure on yourself and sex is no more something fun and enjoyable but an arena in which you have to demonstrate your value. Just give a break to yourself, your value as man and as sex partner is much more than having an erection!

Underlying causes of erectile dysfunction
From my experience as therapist, the main causes of erectile dysfunction amongst men seem to be: stress-related problems coming from a difficult period in life;  the end of a feeling of attraction for a partner or a lack of self-esteem. During a therapy process, you are going to discover that this symptom is just the tip of the iceberg: A superficial sign of a deeper experience you are having. It affects sexuality because it is a field that attracts your attention immediately. You will not ignore it, and this is the beginning of a self-exploration that goes much deeper than just getting the erection back. In fact, when you will forget about your erection for a while, it will start happening again.

The “arena” of sex and a new invitation
Sex is a reproductive activity linked with pleasure because pleasure brings us to do it in order to reproduce the species. As human beings we’ve learnt to isolate the pleasurable experience from the reproductive function. The result of this division is that it became an “arena” in which a lot of our self-worth is built up or destroyed. Plus, living in a goal-oriented and competitive society makes us see almost all our activities as performances.

We use sex to be liked, to get attention and to check if we are ok as we are. This creates an extra weight on this simple, animalistic and joyful experience and it can put our erection down. I suggest you to approach this uncomfortable situation as an invitation to stop using sex for a purpose of self-esteem. And use it, instead, to know yourself better as man, to explore sex and its different possibilities and to become natural and innocent again also in this field of your life.



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